My Comfort-in-Self Permits the Uncomfortable.
A friend recently asked if I had only one pair of jeans? I laughingly responded that I had more than one pair; in fact, I had six pairs. She apologetically explained that she only ever saw me wear one pair, and she was just curious. I turned to her and smiled. I told her that all my jeans were the same brand, style number, waist, and length. They were also the same shade of blue with the off-white stitching instead of the standard gold thread. I wear jeans most days and found the fit of jeans I was wearing to be comfortable enough for my daily paces.
She found my dressing habits “interesting.” I explained to her that I, like most humans, was addicted to the predictability of comfort (yup, there is that word again). Her face looked puzzled. I asked if she was at a conference, and the group was dismissed for a short break. Would she return to the same seat after the break or sit in a completely different area of the room? If the conference was for several days and she didn’t know anyone there, would she sit in the same location each day of the conference? While her eyes mimicked searching the frontal lobes of her mind, she affirmed both my inquiries. She nudged that she would move if she didn’t want to sit beside someone or needed a better viewpoint. I suggested that all of her seating considerations still affected her personal comfort. People sit in their “familiar seat” because it allows them to predict the emotions that accompany that area of familiarity. So, as she sits in the same seat to find comfort amongst strangers, I place my seat in the same jeans because I’m addicted to preserving my comfort.
So, jeans and jiu-jitsu…how the hell do they go hand-in-hand. I recently purchased a new white gi for traveling (Why a White Gi? – Read “Jiu-Jitsu on the Brain” by Mark Westside Johnson). I love this gi’s light-weight material and its breathability. I’m claustrophobic, so these things really matter. It’s perfect for travel because it’s easy to dry and not bulky. However, the sizing is really off for my liking. There’s just too much room in the kimono, and that’s completely acceptable if I’m buying an ice cream cone or eating street tacos. However, when I see a loose-fitting kimono, I’m thinking how I will use the lapel ends to choke the hell out of this person. When I brought this up to my son, he said, “well, dad, you seem to enjoy discomfort, so you will have even more fun when you visit other schools and provide your sparring partners the tools to choke you. So, what’s the problem?”
Learning how to manage uncomfortable situations for learning purposes is growth. Being in an uncomfortable position to merely increase misery in one’s life is self-hate…or fetish. When I sail, I don’t wear hard-to-dry jeans, when I go hiking, I don’t wear my speedos, when I surf, I generally don’t wear anything…ok… that’s a little too comfortable. But the point is that if we are comfortable in our skin, we can find comfort in uncomfortable situations. I embrace the uncomfortable to improve myself, but disregarding my personal barometer for comfort is not a strategy for self-realization. I don’t want to dwell in misery just to motivate my learning. (Hell, I don’t have to do that to learn because I can read.) The idea is to become comfortable with your weakness or inabilities to better express yourself, so that the uncomfortable doesn’t inhibit your experiences and growth.
