Overcoming the Pain…Not.
It’s been a while since I’ve posted on here. I’ve written a lot, but just haven’t posted anything. That’s partly because I’m an introvert and tend to stay in my own thoughts, but I also finished up my Master’s degree, changed careers, started my PhD and lost 145lbs…well, that weight-loss was because my divorce was finalized and it felt like more like 200 kilos off my chest, but all that to say, I’ve been busy. What hasn’t changed as much as my hair and waste line is my affinity for jiu jitsu.
Whenever, I get a break from my school or work I find books, bars, laughs, smiles and open mats to occupy my time. Well, after feeling the effects of over-hitting the bars, smiles and late-night laughs, the New Year was upon me and I thought…this year, I’m going to compete again. New Year’s day, I re-read “Zen Jiu Jitsu,”by Oliver Staark, unrolled my house mats, and gave my grappling dummy pure hell…. by drowning it in my sweat…Day 1 Done. Day 2 Done. Day 3 Done…no, wait, I’m done. F**K!! What the hell is that in my back that makes brushing my teeth hurt? Doctor tells me…”Mr White take all these drugs and stop.”
Two weeks…
Muscle Relaxers + Me = Being the dumbest person in the room be myself.
Felt great to be off drugs..well, muscle relaxers. My Jiu Jitsu workout on the whiteboard by my still unrolled mats. F**k it. I’m back at it. Day 1 done. Day 2 done! Day 3 Done!! That grappling dummy goes back to hell. Day 4…WAIT!! Yup, DONE!!! Day 5…what the hell was that in my leg? It’s my sciatic nerve, but maybe if I don’t. NOPE…that hurts worse.
Call doctor. “Mr. White finish your drugs and stop.”
G’dammit …I don’t want to be dumb anymore…muscle relaxers aren’t that bad…where am I?
Three weeks more…my 50th birthday is coming. I think, damn, maybe this is the way it begins to ends for me. Me, a lump of sore tissue and harbor of a strong desire to avoid that pain… full of meds to protect me from having to be reminded I’m human, alive and not invincible.
WTF? I know pain. It’s a part of life…and as my beloved Marine Corps taught me, pain is weakness leaving my body. (Damn, I must be a bag of weakness.) However, it’s that constant reminder in Jiu Jitsu of the extreme pain on the other side of greed, impatience, inconsistency, and nonawareness that that I love.
In Jiu Jitsu, if I’m in the past or future with my thinking, I WILL feel pain. Jiu Jitsu, is not about what I did or am going to do, but what I am doing now. Will I stop moving, defending and progressing because of pain? There are no time outs, only taps, naps and time’s up. Pain (safe pain) will be an occasional partner on the road to better myself…realizing that is a special part of the Gentle Art. I love Jiu Jitusu.
The plan was to do 30 days of Jiu Jitsu…hasn’t happened yet. Until then regular easy BJJ movements, when the body gives me permission and no moaning about life’s occasional disguise as pain.
